Grey's and their broken Anatomy

I've been finding out recently that recovering from a life altering accident is harder than one can imagine.  

I have been watching Grey's Anatomy since I was in the 7th grade.  In the recent episodes the main characters are suffering and recovering from a plane crash.  One character lost her leg, two died, and the others are suffering from PTSD.  Though a viewer can automatically feel sympathetic to the woman who lost her leg, and the two who died, but you wouldn't assume much for the one's who are only suffering mentally.

WRONG.

Since my accident, I have been suffering with PTSD.  Every time I have gotten in a car alone, I feel anxious and shakey, and always start to cry.  I think what scares me the most is that the accident can't be blamed on another driver, or my car breaking down, or me doing something dumb at the wheel, but something that was almost unexplained.  All I was doing was driving down a straight lane, going 30 mph, and minding my own business when I hit the man hole.  So now whenever I'm driving, I just assume something else can happen at any second.  It is not a way to live, but right now it's the only way I know how.

WHO AM I ANYMORE?

I am not myself.  I am depressed, on edge, scared, paranoid, and uncomfortable in my own skin.  I can barely 'fake it' in front of my own kid.  I try though, I really do.  I guess these things will take time.  I called my good friend Eric last night while I was driving home because I could barely breathe and was completely hysterical.  I told him I'm feeling done with this ordeal and ready to catch a break.  His response- 'these things take time.'  Hmmm...

But how much time will it take to be ME again?

This morning I was feeling so completely detached from myself that I actually closed my eyes and prayed.  I'm not religious but I felt that it was the next step for me during my so called, "recovery" but we shall see.  I am just ready to believe in the good of things again.  That I can live again, and not in fear.

sorry-not so-sorry for this sad post...not like anyone reads this anyway.