I dreamt I grabbed a penis and I liked it.

So remember how in my last post I said I wanted to corrupt my boyfriend into a pervy person? Well, that is still true. However, last night I did something that I must share with all of you because it is embarrassing and hilarious.

We're in bed, exhausted as usual, and fall asleep pretty quickly. I'm curled up into a ball, facing away from him and suddenly he start yelling my name. "Heather, are you awake? Heather, Heather, Heaaaaaaaa-ther!" I finally come into consciousness and alarmed by the tone of his voice, I turn my head to him and ask what's wrong. "You're squeezing me!" he yells in a slight panic. Next thing I know, I finally caught on to what he was saying.

Yes, what you're thinking is spot on. 

I had apparently put my hand down his pants and gripped his penis. Somewhat hard. (Ha, get it, HARD) Even as I was waking up and realizing he was yelling, I was still hanging on tight. I didn't even know what I was doing. It was like sleep walking, but actually sleep fondling. By the time I let go, I had probably been awake for twenty seconds, just unable to grasp the situation in my head. (Ha, get it, grasp)

I know, you're all probably wondering what the problem is, since most of you know I'm a perv with my head constantly in the gutter. However, I've never in my whole life done something like that to someone. I mean, it's a bit weird to be doing that in my sleep without knowing. I felt like I was desperate for sexy time or something...but in my sleep. Making me feel even more awkward and pathetic about it.

We quickly went back to bed. He made fun of me. I was embarrassed even more. Basically my plan circled its way back to me in the form of karma. Sexually embarrassing karma.

Penis.

Penis.

Penis.

Poor guy...

Well, at least I didn't try to bite it off or something? Right?