Be less lonely, and look good doing it.

Let's be blunt here; friends don't stick around once babies are born.  Period.  Or their best move- make plans with you, then the day of when plans are to be executed, cancel. 

I find myself talking to a lot of inanimate objects nowadays...

Or having very in depth adult-like conversations with my 9 month old, who simply stares at me while drool runs down her chin.  If I'm lucky, I get an occasional 'coo' or  'ma-ma' out of her.  Hey, she puts in the effort, I'll give her that.

So after taking loads to time to think and consume these devastating facts, I've concluded a list of rules to live by when the friendship circumstances are at stake.

1- Do not call them.  Eventually they will remember your existence.  When they do, you want them to invite you over for a pity party, not the other way around.

2- If you do not want to associate with these ex friends anymore and they DO start calling again, tell them the only way they can hangout is if you bring along the kid.  If they are the annoying ones that still agree, only bring the kid during nap time, that way they are crabby and obnoxious so your 'friend' never calls back.  Ever.

3- Find a hobby.  Find a hobby in which you can creatively release your tension and stress without feeling the need of calling someone to vent.  Most nights when I'm pissed off and not knowing who I'm 'allowed' to call, I workout or pretend I know how to bake.  Notice I used the phrase, 'pretend how' when describing my baking skills.  Okay, moving on!

4- Rewrite current pop ballads into lyrics about your life and/or kid.  Yes.  I do this a lot with Everly and not only does it entertain myself, but her too.
     example- 'hey chubby bubby, I stinkin looooove you, so here's a bottle, and call me mommy' (insert music and melody of 'call me maybe' by carly rae jepson.)
       example- 'with eyes wide open, I drink my ba-ba.  I drink it warm.  I drink it all day long, with eyes wide open.' (insert music and melody of 'eyes wide open' by creed.)

5- Keep your family close.  Since Everly has been born, my life is a large bundle of happy campers in my family.  They always call and ask to see her which means when they see her, they see me.  So in perspective, I sort of get noticed.  Yipee!

All and all, my list is just suggestions.  But they are damn good ones and I'd like to see you come up with more creative ones.  Bitches.

I gotta go pee now....