Jason and his girlfriend told me, in an excited manner, that they're expecting another baby. Yes, you're not drunk (and neither am I which makes me so upset) and are reading that correctly. But wait, there's more. Not only are they expecting another baby, but Caitlyn is 26 weeks along. So they've gone all this time without having the decency to tell me until now. Also, they are having a son and plan on naming him after Jason.
I am so fucking pissed and hormonal. I have this irrational fear that Everly is going to be forgotten about and somehow put on the back burner again. I look at her since they told me and I can't help but to feel sorry for her. It's like I'm already anticipating how she could possibly feel one day and I'm not fucking having it. I won't stand for my baby to feel like the outsider. This is probably crazy of me. She probably won't have any concerns and will love having a brother. But even the possibility of her feeling separated from Jason makes me batshit crazy.
I'm also hurt. I'm over Jason. However due to the connection we share being Everly's parents, I tend to take his relationship milestones with Caitlyn harder than I should. Yes, they're engaged still and already have a daughter together. But I am sadly just now comfortable with both of those things. So now here's another curveball being thrown at me at 100 mph. A curveball that will be a little boy who will look like Jason that I did not partake in the making of.
This is weird and incredibly stupid of me to dwell about, I know this. I'm just not okay with the feeling that Jason is giving Everly the family life and I'm only giving her a small fraction. That's what this is all about. I just worry. about. everything.
Goddamn it.
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