Broke with no jokes.

I have very little money.  Very little hope.  And very little drive at this point.

I literally have to either get a third job, or break my lease and move in with my parents again...most likely in their basement because there is virtually no room for Everly and I.

Since Jason refuses to help financially at all now, I don't even think I can afford to send Everly to daycare anymore.  I'll have to find a free babysitter for three days a week....

Anyone know of someone like that?  Because I don't.

I just want to cry.  

I just want to give up.

I just want to find a silver lining in all of this.

I fear of letting my daughter down.  That is definitely a valid reason to continue to feel like this.  I need to figure something out, fast.

I am so depressed I've barely been eating and I feel sick all day long.  All I ever wanted was to be happy.  I never asked for any of this.  I never wanted to be in debt.  I always gave Jason whatever he wanted.  I always showed Jason the maximum amount of love I could give a person.  I understand he left because he wasn't happy, and I'm not holding that against him.  I am happy for him wanting to move on and I am fine with him choosing to spend his life with Caitlyn.  However I am not happy being thought of as trash.  I am not happy about Everly being put last on his priority list.  I just want him to move on and be happy.  I just want Everly to grow up knowing that Jason and I do everything we can to co parent with each other and remain civil.  Unfortunately I know she will never see us get along.  When she's older she will blame us and I feel horrible.  

All and all, I just want to feel fulfilled again.  I want Everly to have everything.  I want Jason and I to get along.  I want Jason to strive for something greater than himself and become something that Everly will be proud of him for.

One can only hope at this point.